August 1, 2009

Across the Universe

Sunrise, Africa.
What would you do if the sun didn't come up tomorrow? Honestly. If you woke up and the sun just forgot to rise. The birds forgot to come out and the ways of the world changed completely. Who would you run to? Who would you think about? Im thinking about what's really important in my life right now. Im facing questions about what I really want out of life and in what direction I want my future to go. I have dreams and whimsical fantasies. I have grand ideas, I have thoughts that keep me up at night and visions of the life that I want that run through my head. But can they be done? I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow- something amazing or something terrible or nothing at all? Is that impossible? It's exciting and petrifying at the same time and this mix of emotions is starting to pull me into different pieces, except I'm not to sure which way they are going and where they will be tomorrow.

"You make me feel like I belong under the sun
You'll never grow old
Because you're forever young
And you know that you got my tomorrow baby
Today and yesterday
Believe that you've got my tomorrow baby
I'll hold you close as far as I can see"
"If there is love"- Citizen Cope

Aurora Borealis, Alaska.
I had a plan once. To go and see the northern lights in Alaska with a boy I liked. We sat in bed one day watching YouTube videos of the moving illusions. Swirling and fantastic- we had to venture to the ends of the earth to bear witness. They are a geometric, magnetic, solar, energetic occurrence and I wanted to be a part of it.
We never ended up going- but that doesn't make the lights stop shining. Just because you can't see them right now doesn't mean they aren't moving and flowing and changing for you.
Is this my future? Is it out there already and moving around my present decisions? Are you in there with me?
The Milky Way
In the sunscreen song it tells you not to be guilty if you don't know what to do with your life. Sometimes all i want to do is run away. I'm not sure what from. But I don't want to become one of those New Yorkers who can't accept change and has impatience embedded in their DNA. I want to be simple. Without this crap that surrounds us. I want to be cliche and lie in the grass and walk everywhere bear foot with bells on my ankles and flowers in my messy hair. I want to forget the things that made life so complicated yet ruled my universe and tended to dictate my existence. I want to relinquish addictions and trust that what i was doing was right. I want to hang on your every word after living a lifetime with you. I want to be rich even with nothing. I want nothing more than to hold you and feel like I desired nothing else from life. I want you to see me change and see me grow and love every moment of it and still love me even if it didn't happen. I want you to hold my hand through this. I want to be old and still get butterflies. I want to be by your side and be there for you.

"when you're on the outside baby and you can't get in
i will show you you're so much better than you know
when you're lost and you're alone and you cant get back again
i will find you darling and i will bring you home
and if you want to cry
i am here to dry your eyes
and in no time
you'll be fine"
"By your side"- Sade

I want to wander.
I want to be.
I want to wonder.

Sunset, Australia.