November 17, 2009

Loner

It's a very weird feeling. On one hand it is the most amazing opportunity I could ever be so easily presented with- for the second time. Yet on the other hand i feel like i have been sent to exile to simply wait while being judged. I feel like that's all i am doing here. WAIT to get picked up for castings. WAIT while we drive there. WAIT to check if we have the right location. WAIT at the casting. WAIT to hear if you got the job or not. WAIT for things to start happening. So while i wait, i think and i dream, I daydream and i stress. I read and i drink coffee and i do everything except for painting which is really what i want to do. I think I might be going slowly mad here too- which to me is quite hilarious. Spending so much time alone should be good for you- but when you are so restricted from access from the people you are used to seeing it really does your head in in ways that are seriously abnormal. I haven't started talking to myself yet but i will not be surprised if i get back to NYC and someone catches me doing just that...

My loneliness is killing me
I must confess I still believe
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign
Hit me baby one more time

Oh baby, baby
The reason I breathe is you
Boy you got me blinded
Oh pretty baby
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
It's not the way I planned it
Show me how you want it to be

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